Progress Report: The List

The big 4-0 is a mere 21 days away. I thought it would be a good time to update "the list" and see where I am at (although I do have another year to complete these things). It's funny how life gets in the way of somethings and not others. A lot has changed for me in the last year and there have certainly been some big ups and big downs that have contributed to where I am on these goals.

Here is what I've accomplished:

• Buy a new bicycle. Done! 
• Do at least one random act of kindness every month. I've done this consistently. Yay!
• Read a book a month. I've been doing this!
• Plant a veggie garden. Done!
• Do a public speaking gig.  Done!
• Take a trip to Vancouver. Done!
• Start a wine collection. Done! Although I drank a lot of it.
• Find a new volunteer gig. Done! 
• Become a mentor in a mentoring program. Signed up for this with IABC. Hopefully a mentee picks me
• Finish my company website (the company I own, not the one I work for). Done

Here's where I'm on my way or it is reasonable I haven't started yet because there hasn't been the opportunity:

The run I'll be doing October 25

• Go back to school. Still no news here.
• Run a 5KM 10km  5km run event. Booked for October 25! And re the 10km - I was probably drinking when I thought up that one.
• Travel to Ireland. Still on the list....
• See Montreal. 
• Go to Italy. 
• Visit Boston.
• Explore Chicago.
• See San Francisco.
• Take a culinary class.
• Hit 25 blood donations. I am set to hit 25 on October 24!
• Walk the dogs more often, even Cricket. I've been better with this but still have room to improve
• Lose 10lbs. Found my scale. It's broken. Need new scale. I think I have lost the weight though. Maybe.
• Pay off all debt (not including my house and maybe not my car). Partly there: Student loans are done!
• (#40 - mystery item)I'm not saying what this one is. Working on this ;)
• Learn Spanish. At least in a basic conversational way.
• Sing one song by myself in Karaoke.

Here's things I've "failed" on because I've had the opportunity but haven't completed the task.

• Write everyday week (blog!) This has been a fail, although I've made three posts in the last week.
• Go to Vegas. Had two trips booked and both got cancelled. Awesome.
• Mail a letter a week just because. #stillfail. I haven't done this at all. I have however bought stamps. Which if you know me, is a miracle in itself. 
• Take golf lessons. I didn't even golf this year
• Visit Napa Valley. I had hoped to do this for my birthday but it doesn't look like that's going to happen
• Buy a wine fridge.
• Learn more about wine.
• Learn to hang a picture. Properly.
• Learn how to put air in my tires
• Learn how to change a tire.
• Go for at least one hike in the mountains (June-September - I am not crazy). No excuse for this. #fail
• Take a public speaking course.
• Make fresh pasta.
• Learn to ride a motorcycle (even a little bit). I am not even sure I still want to do this one - I go back and forth on the idea.

It's nice to review things and see where I am - I think I am further ahead than I thought I would be. I've always enjoyed setting big goals and going after them every few years. Hopefully I'll be able to keep at these and get them all done. 

Oh and if anyone wants to teach me how to hang a picture, that would be great.

Perspective

I've been learning a lot this week about perspective and how different mine can be from that of others. In some cases, having a good discussion about the other person's outlook on thing can bring clarity, understanding and acceptance. I may not completely see things their way but I can accept how events made them think and feel, and what they saw as the important issue, and how that may have differed from my initial take on things.

In another case, delving deeper into the other person's view on things has actually caused more confusion, and has made me realize we are further apart on things in life than I thought. Some people are so sure their perspective is the only way of looking at things, that they shut out all the alternatives and feelings of others involved. It's funny, but  dealing with this latter situation, has made me realize I needed to be more aware and open minded about the other person's perspective in the first situation, and that I was in the wrong.

Cryptic right?

It is. In the first situation, I realized that I was making things more about me than they should have been and that in one area, I wasn't being completely truthful in how I viewed events - not with myself or with the other person. A molehill became a mountain because of it and I regret that a lot. I reacted in a way that wasn't in keeping with who I am, or how I treat people and I made it worse by not owning my mistake.

In the second situation, the other party basically did the same thing to me. When confronted with a concern I had with their behaviour and how they were treating me, they insisted all the problems were because of me and couldn't see how they were contributing to the issue, or how they could be doing things differently. They blamed me for how I was feeling. I recognized this and more importantly how it made me feel. While these two situations were not related at all, it opened my eyes to how I could be doing things differently. I've always thought I was pretty good at seeing both sides of a dispute or issue, but I can see now where I'm maybe a little more egocentric in some situations than I should be. A little too black and white. And not empathetic enough.

Lessons, lessons everywhere.

Trust

Trust is a funny thing. It's kind of like a gas tank on a car. We all have one. Some of us cruise around life with it pretty full all the time. Others seem to be running on empty for multiple periods of their lives. A lot of our ability to refill or top up our tanks comes from being able to on one hand, hone our instincts as to who to trust while on the other hand being able to see someone else's perspective, forgive and let go. It also requires us to see everyone as an individual, and not paint people with the same brush as those you may have known before. Not the easiest thing to do at times, but imperative if you ever want to have any kind of meaningful human interaction, and also for you to be able to function at full capacity in the world.

The Internet says trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected. It starts at the family and grows to others. The development of basic trust is the first state psycho-social development occurring, or failing, during the first two years of life. Success results in feelings of security, trust, and optimism, while failure leads towards an orientation of insecurity and mistrust possibly resulting in attachment disorders.

Assuming you make it past this phase successfully, things can still certainly happen later in life that can make us find it difficult to trust others. Friendships gone wrong, bad co-worker or employer relationships. Bad things sometimes happen to us, and it can take a lot out of our trust supply tank.

This year I got to know a few people who had a hard time trusting. I can empathize; I myself have had periods where I was running low on trust. Some had very good reasons to not trust. One in particular really did. I think he wanted to but just couldn't get beyond the past. It sadly ended up costing us our friendship which I really wish had not happened. But my take-away (there is always a takeaway) is that because of him, I actually learned to trust more and the importance of trusting again. Events of the last couple of years had me doubting a lot of things - my instincts about people, relationships and how to navigate all that stuff. His vulnerability and honesty about trust issues allowed me to feel safe opening up to him and allowed me to start trusting other people and myself more. I also saw the flip-side where a complete inability to trust, even people who were quite loyal and trustworthy (like me),could paralyze a person, limiting opportunity and effectively, happiness. I also learned that only you can top up your own tank -  surrounding yourself with honest, good people helps, but that on its own isn't enough. You are always going to encounter people who aren't truthful, However, by shutting everyone out to protect yourself, you can really miss out on a lot of great people, experiences and opportunities. And nobody wins.

I think this was a big lesson for me this year (there have certainly been a lot of lessons), and one I really needed to go through. I feel like this last year has been an unexpected learning curve, and I'm only somewhere in the middle of it now. There is something to be said for the mid-life crisis myth actually being a thing (and does not necessarily manifest itself only through buying a sports car). Interesting.