In the story line, the United States Vice President's wife (played by Robin Wright) was being interviewed by a news agency. Now I will preface this by saying that her character and that of her husband Frank Underwood (played by Kevin Spacey), on this show are lacking in moral character by some people's standards. But that isn't really relevant to what in this particular story line had my knickers in a knot.
In the interview, the questions quickly turned to the fact that Mrs. Vice President (and her husband) did not have children (they are in their 40s). The reporter asked her a lot of really hard questions about not having kids. She used words like "sacrifice", "unusual" and "uncommon". Her tone was dripping with the idea that by not having children, the Underwoods were somehow "unnatural" as human beings. She even went as far as to ask her if she "lacked maternal instinct".
I'd like to pretend that this was a far fetched dramatic scene, something conjured up by an overly imaginative Hollywood writer. But the thing is, despite how advanced we think we've become with equality and being politically correct, a lot of the questions asked and things implied on the show, are asked and implied to everyday, real, childless women.
I don't have kids (that I know of). And I probably won't. Does that make me less of a woman? Hell no. Does that make me a less compassionate, less giving, less responsible person? No. When did it become okay to ask childless women countless questions about why they don't have kids? And then go on to judge them?
I have never once asked a person why they decided to have kids. I haven't asked them what the rationale was behind their choice to have them at 30 instead of 40. Its never occurred to me to ask someone what value was there (to them) in having three kids vs. two. I have never judged someone's ability to do a task, hold a job or be effective in a government position (or position of power) based on whether or not they've procreated or how many times. Because it doesn't matter. Just like their race, gender, sexual orientation or breakfast selection or eye colour doesn't matter.
There are a lot of reasons people don't have kids. And a lot of reasons people do. One isn't better than the other. For me, I never really knew either way if I wanted kids. I was totally on the fence. Then I had a couple of relationships in a row where my partner did not want more kids (for the record, being a stepmom was great though). So I didn't have kids. And now I'm single and almost 40 - so I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed. And I am okay with that. But it certainly doesn't make me less of a person or a weirdo or not able to understand the ups and downs of being a parent.
Choosing to be a parent (or not) is very personal. It's not black and white or as simple as "you want kids so you have kids". It can be a can of worms to open for a lot of people, yet well meaning (and/or judgey) people think its okay to open that can of worms whenever the mood strikes them, even if they don't know a person well.
It makes me sad that women can be hugely successful in so many areas of life, but their choice whether or not to be a mother can be something they are evaluated on and that so much importance is still placed on that. Don't get me wrong - being a mother is a wonderful thing and it can be both a tough and rewarding thing to do. But there are a lot of women out there who have chosen not to be mothers (or can't be!) who do many tough and rewarding things too. Maybe it needs to stop being something we use to measure a woman's value.
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