Trust

Trust is a funny thing. It's kind of like a gas tank on a car. We all have one. Some of us cruise around life with it pretty full all the time. Others seem to be running on empty for multiple periods of their lives. A lot of our ability to refill or top up our tanks comes from being able to on one hand, hone our instincts as to who to trust while on the other hand being able to see someone else's perspective, forgive and let go. It also requires us to see everyone as an individual, and not paint people with the same brush as those you may have known before. Not the easiest thing to do at times, but imperative if you ever want to have any kind of meaningful human interaction, and also for you to be able to function at full capacity in the world.

The Internet says trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected. It starts at the family and grows to others. The development of basic trust is the first state psycho-social development occurring, or failing, during the first two years of life. Success results in feelings of security, trust, and optimism, while failure leads towards an orientation of insecurity and mistrust possibly resulting in attachment disorders.

Assuming you make it past this phase successfully, things can still certainly happen later in life that can make us find it difficult to trust others. Friendships gone wrong, bad co-worker or employer relationships. Bad things sometimes happen to us, and it can take a lot out of our trust supply tank.

This year I got to know a few people who had a hard time trusting. I can empathize; I myself have had periods where I was running low on trust. Some had very good reasons to not trust. One in particular really did. I think he wanted to but just couldn't get beyond the past. It sadly ended up costing us our friendship which I really wish had not happened. But my take-away (there is always a takeaway) is that because of him, I actually learned to trust more and the importance of trusting again. Events of the last couple of years had me doubting a lot of things - my instincts about people, relationships and how to navigate all that stuff. His vulnerability and honesty about trust issues allowed me to feel safe opening up to him and allowed me to start trusting other people and myself more. I also saw the flip-side where a complete inability to trust, even people who were quite loyal and trustworthy (like me),could paralyze a person, limiting opportunity and effectively, happiness. I also learned that only you can top up your own tank -  surrounding yourself with honest, good people helps, but that on its own isn't enough. You are always going to encounter people who aren't truthful, However, by shutting everyone out to protect yourself, you can really miss out on a lot of great people, experiences and opportunities. And nobody wins.

I think this was a big lesson for me this year (there have certainly been a lot of lessons), and one I really needed to go through. I feel like this last year has been an unexpected learning curve, and I'm only somewhere in the middle of it now. There is something to be said for the mid-life crisis myth actually being a thing (and does not necessarily manifest itself only through buying a sports car). Interesting.