The journals are all numbered. In the front of them, I had written the "highlights" of what topics one would find discussed in the attached pages, whether it be a milestone event, a boyfriend, a trip or a terrible experience. When I was younger, there would be teenage doodles of hearts and butterflies, with the occasional pairing of my first name with the surname of whatever crush I had at that time. Or crushes. I was open to more than one marriage opportunity. Oh Lauren.
In the beginning, my entries were short, a little EMO and were a lot about likes and dislikes. I liked a certain boy. I hated a certain teacher. Things were a lot more black and white. As I got older, I wrote mostly when things were upsetting or bothering me; the journal was an outlet for me to expresses how I was feeling. As I flipped through a couple of "teen" journals, I felt sad for the Lauren who was trying so hard to fit in, make friends and figure out who she was. I cringed at some of the stupid, inexperience things I said or did (and then sipped my wine). I had to keep reminding the present day me that experience is how we learn, and that most people go through those awkward years and come out the other end okay - its part of the journey.
It was interesting to see what changed in me over the years and what has stayed the same. We don't always remember events in hindsight the way they actually happened. When you go back and read a journal, you suddenly remember little details, feelings and thoughts that aren't part of the memories you have now (even if the journal entry is a little emotionally skewed). For example, in reading my journal from 2005/2006, I realized there were a lot more reasons I moved to Calgary (or more specifically left Toronto) than I realized. And that there were several things that influenced that decision before the option to move was even on the table. There are probably several blog posts I could do on that subject.
A lot of people will tell you how writing in a journal helps you work through problems, express yourself, have an outlet for stress etc. What never seems to be mentioned though are the benefits of being able to sit down, years later, and read your own life story. As cringeworthy as some of the entries are, it is pretty interesting to see how we grow, learn, make mistakes (repeat those mistakes) and evolve over time. I didn't read them all - some I just couldn't read because I knew they'd be a bit too emotional for what I was prepared to deal with on a Friday night. I read enough of them though to really get a sense of pride for the Lauren I've become over time, a perspective I'm not sure I'd have without the ability to look back in time like that.
There is no right or wrong way to keep a journal. It can be in an agenda, in a real diary with a lock and key or just a simple notebook. No one judges you on spelling (except maybe you, 20 years later). No one evaluates sentence structure, handwriting or pen colour. You can add mementos or just stick to written thoughts. You can write a page, or 10 pages on a subject. You can skip days, months or even the odd year. The best part is that I don't think its ever too late to start - so give it a try!
Makes me want to start a journal . . .
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